I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
