i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize