dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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