we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
