well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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