They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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