East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
