Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
