Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
