Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
try to milk me bitch
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