you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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