U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
