I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
