Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
