By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
