I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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