hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
