1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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