I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
