Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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