there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
