Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
