wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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