highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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