yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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