i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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