You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
