I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
