Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I see more hoeing in ur future
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