What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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