I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
