Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
