I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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