God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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