pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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