i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
