he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
