I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
