I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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