I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize