Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
