his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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