"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
