There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
