Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
