shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
