I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
being pregnant is like rehab
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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