it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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