I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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