I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize