You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
