wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Houston, we have a blender
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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