I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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