Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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