i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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