is your mom at the bar?
she told me i tasted like america
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
