U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
