Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
