Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I party with great urgency now.
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