I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
