I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
