K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
