I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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