I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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